Summer 2002, Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Ministry of Silly Hats

On Monday, the 24th, I got up early, packed my bags, had
a shower and shaved, and then I headed to the Greyhound
station and got on the bus to Toronto. When we were getting
into the Toronto area, it started to feel like the air conditioning
was going a bit overboard, but, when I got off the bus, I was
surprised to find that it was actually a semi-comfortable
temperature outside, although, a little on the cold side.

Well, I had some business and some shopping to do, so,
I started running off, going to Chinatown to get some tea
(for a full dollar less than it costs in London!) and do some
banking, and then it was off to U of T, to check out the housing
registry for the fall, find out about the orientation videos for my
MSW program, see my friends come out of their convocation,
grab some lunch (mmmm, veggie rolls! Wasabi!! Pickled Ginger!!!)
at the MedSci building, and meet up with my friend Louisa to get
an extra ticket for Aunt Betty to come to the ceremony, and then
go and get robed.

Well, we entered the hallowed halls of University College, where
we paid our $75 to rent our graduand robes, which were pulled
out of mounds of similarly esteemed robes, and our fur-lined
hoods. After figuring out where to go next, I ran down to the
bathroom and changed into more formal attire, donned my
robe, and headed up to a room filled with all kinds of other
Honours Sciences grads. Well, we got given our cards, and
I headed down to see if there was some place I could stash
my backpack. Luckily, I ran into my friends Adil and Sean,
from the Erindale College Student Union. They were there
giving out composites of all of the grads that year, so, I asked
them if they could look after my bag while I was in Convocation
Hall, and thankfully, they said that they would.

After standing around in one of the halls of University College, and
then getting put into lines according to numbers written on cards (it's
amazing how long it took actually. Ah well, these are science grads,
they don't need to figure out things like spacing and number order),
and finally, it was time to parade around the St. George circle to
Convocation Hall, where we would take our seats and await the
entrance of the university big-wigs. (Believe me, if they'd have
been wearing wigs, they would have been big, frumpy Victorian
wigs, all powdered and everything) While we were waiting, we were
treated to a barrage of flash bulbs and bright lights, as parents, friends
and other relatives took pictures and made videos of all of the graduates,
sitting in their seats, talking to each other, shielding their eyes, and, well,
being blinded by the light of a thousand flashbulbs.

Well, when the bigwigs finally arrived, it was all we could do to contain
our laughter.

With the utmost of sincerity and seriousness, the academic procession
entered the historic Convocation Hall. Preceded by the University's golden
mace, in walked president Birgeneau and the university Chancellor, dressed
in arcane looking robes. Behind them followed a collection of the academic
elites of the university, looking like nothing more than a motley collection
of medieval re-enactionists, SCA'ers, or escapees from the Medieval Times
Dinner and Tourney. Dressed in heavy robes in bright colours, over modern
suits (thank all that is holy they didn't go for leotards - that would have been
more than I could bear), it was difficult to take this collection of elites especially
seriously. The only way I could think of to describe the big, floppy, felt hats
was "foppish".

Well, shortly after they arrived, it was time for the ceremony to begin, lead by
president Birgeneau. It began with some Latin, which he kindly translated for
us, after a quick joke about how most people in the room would be unlikely to
know that particular dead language. Light jokes of the sort were to be found
throughout his speech, making the atmosphere a little less strained, as we
could let out our laughs at this collection of silly hats and robes. As I commented
to my friend Rik, it looked as though they were wearing the rejects from a local
fashion school. Mind you, I've still seen sillier, just, not at an occasion that was
expected to be more solemn and serious. Well, soon enough, Birgeneau's
speech was finished, and it was time for the honorary graduand, a professor
of statistics and mathematical theory, to take the stage and begin his speech.
Within seconds, I pitied anyone who had ever taken a class with the man. After
a minute of his speech, I was searching for toothpicks to pry my eyes open with,
and some time after that, I was wondering what exactly his point was, as he
never really seemed to stay on one point for very long, or explore any analogy
in great depth. He was like a beige hummingbird, zipping from point to point and
only briefly touching on any of them, but not really generating any great interest.
Afterwards, Ben told me that they speech was about how the means shouldn't be
judged solely on the outcome. If that's the case, then his speech should be judged
solely on the basis of his ability to speak, and not on the effect of it boring the
majority of the graduating class near to tears.

Well, after he finished, they began calling the graduates up to have their fur-lined
hoods put about their shoulders, and to shake hands with either the president or
the chancellor of the university. As we watched our friends getting their hoods
put on, we noticed that the chancellor always had much less to say than the
president did. In fact, it looked almost as though the president was actually
talking to the graduates! When it was finally my turn to go up, I found out
that this was indeed the case: the chancellor was merely shaking hands
and saying "best of luck in your future endeavours", while the president
was being very jolly, asking people what they were doing, what their plans
for the future were, and, on the whole, being much more open with the
graduates. I, of course, got the "best of luck", while the girl who was beside
me got the conversation. She would have preferred the "best of luck", and I
would have preferred the conversation. Funny how these things work out.

Well, after we shook the old white guys' hands, it was off to pick up our
physical degree, and to have our picture taken.

Now, to understand this next part, you must understand that, before we
went to the ceremony, we were given a brief run-down of what would happen.

We were informed that, at this point, we would be given an envelope,
which would contain either our degree, or a letter from the library,
telling us we had outstanding fines. Well, when I opened up the
envelope that was to contain my degree, I'm reasonably certain
my entire head paled. There, in the envelope, was a letter. I
immediately thought back to mere months earlier, when I had
enquired about, and paid, all of my late fees at the Erindale library.

Somebody had screwed up, and was going to be costing me, big time.
Well, it seems that some joker had decided it would be a good idea to
give U of T grads their first heart attacks on the day of their graduation,
as every envelope contained a letter such as I found that day, a
congratulatory letter, in addition to the actual degree. Well, after the
moment of panic, the quick picture, and all of that, we returned to our
seats to watch the rest of the graduates get their degrees conferred. I
was mildly surprised to see my first year roommate, Bruno, graduate
with his 3-year Bachelor of Science degree.

Well, after the ceremony finished, we all trooped out of Convocation
Hall, and collected on the grass, where we chatted with friends, had
pictures taken, had the opportunity to get our degrees framed for the
low-low price of $59.99-159.99, and various other stuff. After the
shutters were worn out, we returned, en masse, to return our robes
and hoods and get our $60 deposit back, and then, Betty, Mom, Ben
and I went out to Amato's for dinner. We ordered an appetiser, and
I'm not sure if any of us was able to finish our entree, as the portions
were monstrous. No wonder I love eating there so much.

After dinner, we all went our merry ways - mom and Ben went back to
Kitchener, Betty went back home on the TTC, and I, I went looking for
partying.

I was sorely disappointed in my fellow grads, as it appears that they
had decided to either party back in Mississauga, or to wait until the
following Friday, for the grad formal. So, instead, I caught the
Greyhound back to London, and got ready for a nap. When we
arrived back in London, around 10:00 or so, I stepped off the
bus, and was assaulted by a wall of hot, humid air.

"It had been cold in Toronto!" I cried.

But no, in London, it was hot and muggy, and I had a tent, sleeping
bag, and roofer's bar in my duffel bag. So, I began the slow, sticky
walk home, then went to sleep, and went to work on Tuesday.


Previous Chapter: Summer 2002, Chapter 2 - Turkeytown Blank

Next Chapter: Summer 2002, Chapter 4 - Fools By A Gorge



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