RECONCILIATION
Why we find it hard to accept and live with each other.
Status: Two thirds written.
Reconciliation is a book in progress. It explores issues of conflict which have emerged since the beginning of time. The perspective is not limited to an historical examination of the how and why conflicts have arisen. It also comes to grips with elements in communication which can distort and cloud the issues. Probably the biggest problem that we have to address is how to approach areas where conflicts are rooted in emotions, where we may even feel threatened or vulnerable.
Several years ago when I was having a
spirited discussion with my father. I knew with absolute certainty in my bones
that the position I had taken was correct. God and his angels were in my corner
applauding like mad. I summarised my points, finalised my argument and sat back
waiting for acknowledgement of the correctness of my stand. Did he admit defeat
graciously, accepting the truth I espoused: Not bloody likely.
The
argument went on -- and on -- until out of exasperation I burst out with:
“
Damn it --- you know I’m right. There’s no other answer.” Or words to that
effect.
He looked at me and with a glint in his eye and with one
statement scotched my well rounded reasoning:
“You may be right. I may be
crazy, but that in no way compels me to accept your argument.”
Out
of the woodwork I sensed the shade of Voltaire sardonically arching an eyebrow:
“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say
it.”
It’s a tired old adage. Hardly original even in Voltaire’s time.
Frustrated and grumpy, Socrates took hemlock to support a similar stand. “Love
your enemy.” A hard one to abide. How often we stumble and fall when we come to
it.
Others do have the right to a different viewpoint -- a difference of
opinion, but when it comes to the crunch, how often the ugliness of ego gets in
the road of real acceptance.
Reconciliation. I came to be reconciled to
my father having such a view, a mind set, a perspective foreign to my own. We
have much in common. But there are differences.
A clash of egos
started me on my journey. I began to wrestle with the recognition that value
systems differ from person to person: religion, politics, matters of gender,
science, philosophy, history, the world of business, the arts and in the
exchange of thought and ideas that surrounds all these realms. What we sometimes
like to take as an absolute, is subject to evaluation or even outright rejection
by others.
On a different note, I began to sense that acceleration of
communication, was not diminishing conflict. Increasingly effective global
communication was and is, giving us a front row seat to wars, terror, hatred,
genocide and intolerance.
Murder, rape and pillage live side by side in
societies under siege from new ills. AIDS and drug abuse, poverty and confusion
impact on our daily lives. TV and micro-wave ovens coexist with smart bombs and
designer drugs. Ethnic cleansing, killing fields, refugee camps, fundamentalist
beliefs: these are labels that reflect whole new perspectives. Man has found new
labels, excuses, ways of venting his tribal and religious hatreds. From the
Middle East to Central Europe, from Africa to Asia, ‘they’ destroy in the name
of what they believe to be right and holy.
The first part of the process
is to define our terms. We must examine our methods and beliefs and find ways of
changing the way we think. We must cope with these difficult areas which create
so much conflict, misery and suffering. First we must accept that nothing is
ours by right.
The concept of inalienable rights should be scotched from
the start. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not rights unless they
exist for all people in similar degree. And they are not inalienable because
they only exist when they are paid for, often by the blood of patriots. Anyone
who would argue with this only has look through the pages of history: to the
hordes of Ghengis Khan, the tyranny of Greece and Rome, the Holy Inquisition of
Torquemada, the Wars of the Popes, the Crusades sponsored by Britain, Germany,
Spain and France, the Russian progroms against the Jews, the Protestant
conflicts in Europe, the World Wars, Korea, Vietnam and the list goes
on.
Man has created many excuses to justify hatred, fear and death.
Racial conflict. Apartheid in South Africa, more circumspect forms of racial
discrimination in the US, Australia and Asia. Religious conflicts exist the
world over and are far from being resolved. “It goes on, Judah. It goes
on.” Ben Hur
“I exist.” Said the man.
“But,” replied the
Universe: “That creates in me, no sense of obligation.” Stephen Crane
Copyright
©
John Hall