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Opinion

Snow is a big thing here in the grand, historical state of Virgina however small the amount is. The most recent snowfall is a good example. I overheard one loser saying "oooh! were going to get four inches of snow!" another loser said "Noooo! were going to get six inches of snow!" How much did we get on that fine Friday?? Uh...two inches. Why did we get out of school? I was looking forward to another exciting day at the herm. We shouldn't have gotten out for two reasons;1. it was only two inches. 2. We have already missed too many days to the sniper and other snow. We got out of school for one reason; Virginians are wimps. I have two cousins in Colorado, ages 5 and 3. They sent me pictures after Halloween of thier costumes. They were standing in four feet of snow with thier costumes over top of thier winter coats. In colorado they dont get out of school unless they cant get out of thier homes. We are such wimps, here in Virginia...

Human stupidity never ceases to amaze me. Althought today's society is focused around higher learning and education, the world will never be free of the ecyclepedic ignorance associated with modern man. The only proof that intelligent life exists is that it hasnt contacted us yet. Some of you have heard of the McDonalds lady, who filed an extensive lawsuit against the fast-food company because she spilled hot coffee on her self and got into a wreck or something... She must be extensively stupid if she truly believes that her accident was the fault of McDonalds... Another lady, after taking her small dog for a walk while it was raining, put the animal in the microwave with the intention of letting her pet dry out.. Of course the dog imploded into a bloody mess inside the microwave and of course, she sued the microwave company. What kind of dunce puts a live animal in the microwave? And this brings us to the topic of Spongebob Squarepants. Recently, a young boy of five or so drowned him self in the Atlantic ocean with the intention of "visiting Spongebob." The child was alledgedly obsessed with Spongebob and therefore, Spongebob is responsible for the boy's death. What has the world come to? When a sponge with sqaure-shaped pants can cause children to go into physcotic frenzies of death and destruction. Surely many, many, many more deaths will follow due to the newly established Spongebob Squarepants cult. Children all over the world will commit suicide, claiming martydom for the cause of thier god Spongebob. The parents sued and want two million in compensation along with the request that the show be taken off the air. As soon as the case settles, Spongebob Squarepants and all his wacky friends will never see the light of day-time t.v. agian. I, as an avid Spongebob fan, am deeply grieved at this news and even more grieved at the state of human stupidity.

I have come before you, good patrons of this fine internet establishment to adress the issue of television. This box has ruled our lives for way too long! It is time that we repent from its evil muscle reducing ways and actually do something for a change. Who needs the crappy programing the we have all been subjected whenever we turn this souce of absolute unintelligence. Let's take the WWE (formerly WWF before some smarter people gained rights the acronym). The WWE lets us all view a bunch of fat losers pretending to fight each other with attack names out of video games like "Bone Crusher." All the while fireworks and light effects explode to entertain all the retarted trailer trash viewers in the audience who are not blind. Fox is one of the worst networks, with an impression collection of trash on air. Joe Millionaire, The Bacherlorette and one of my favourites, Man vs. Beat. I witnessed a commercial while watching American Idol (a whole other story) that screamed in my face "WATCH TEN MIDGETS COMPETE WITH AN ELEPHANT TO PULL AN AIRPLANE!!!!!!." Use your mind here, if you are intrested in seeing viewing this program, then email me your name, age, IQ and any mental handicaps. Then I will be able to understand the Fox channel viewer demographic. When television first wriggled its way into the homes of Americans, it was expected to be a utopian provider of quality entertainment like classical music performances and Shakespearean plays, but soon those dreams were shattered when westerns, variety shows and low-budget space cadet crap came onto the scene and started to attract more and more stupid shows, also encouraging stupidity. Kids were glued to the T.V. everyday in the fifties, thus began a trend that enslaves almost every child and viewer. This lifestyle of laziness has moved on to adults and the has created the stereotypical overwieght couch patato. For generations to come this burden on our society will plauge every child, man and eventually beast.