Uselessness
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Recent | 10/04 | 09/04 | 08/04 | 07/04

08/30/04
A ten man tent. Yes, big enough to fit an elephant. Big enough to fit me. Big enough to fit my car, big enough to fit my ego. Yea.

08/27/04
Conjoined twins sharing a stomach, drunk as two skunks. Who is going to throw up first, thus purging the stomach of its alcoholic contents? It is a test of strength, of will-power. They both share the same stomach, but who will be the first to give in to the impulse?

08/25/04
Time only exists because we learned how to count. I guess if you don’t wear a watch, time does not exist for you. It’s a shame it exists for everyone else, or else you wouldn’t have to follow it.

08/24/04
Hum. Nevermind.

08/23/04
What’s up with all the slugs. Barefoot Slug Stepping. It should be a sport. If so, who would win the slimy, sticky, stinky foot award? Well, the slug stepping master. And who would that be? Well, I’m sure it would vary year to year, just like everything else.

08/20/04
Waiting…Waiting…Waiting for the damn network printer box to finish loading. If you know what I’m talking about, I feel sorry for you, because it sucks. Still waiting… Waiting…Waiting for the damn thing to load. Shit.

08/18/04
Toilet paper, what a pain. What a waste of paper. Why hasn’t someone figured out something else to use besides damn toilet paper. Why don’t we just use those water fountain like things, or something? High pressure air maybe. Anything besides paper. It seems so stupid.

08/17/04
Badgers get really big. I saw a badger the other day, he must have been 4’ long.

08/16/04
If I were to become president, I would take a group of kids just beginning to learn how to write, say every work in the dictionary to them, and have them spell the words on a piece of paper, then I would promptly change the dictionary spellings of every word so that it would go along with what they wrote, that way our language would become more phonetic, and easier to learn, and better.

08/13/04
Farting in the bathtub is fun.

08/10/04
Hum. Hum with sugar. Yummy. Damn, kids scream a lot. Especially when they want to go to the park. What’s so great about the park anyway?

08/09/04
In 2010, on this same day, it will be cool. I guess this year, 02/03/04 was pretty cool, but I wasn’t paying attention. I probably won’t be paying attention either on 08/09/10. Oh well.

08/05/04
Meow…Meow……Meow………Meow…………Meow…………… Meow………………Kevin!!!!!

08/04/04
I’m thinking about being a Vegetarian. I like vegetables, their tasty. And I don’t kill animals, even bugs for that matter, but for some reason I don’t mind eating animals that have been killed by someone else. It reminds me of an I-Spy song, on an old split with Propagandhi, in which they talk about how we have been brainwashed into thinking that cows are meant to be eaten, and some other stuff I can’t remember right now.

08/02/04
YES. Ok. Of Course. Sure. Why Not. Absolutely. Definitely. No Problem. In A Minute. In A Couple Of Minutes. Maybe Later. Tomorrow. Give Me Some Time To Think About It. Probably Not. Absolutely Not. No Way. NO.

Visit teamEarth for other strange ramblings by Jeff Nolan.

Recent | 10/04 | 09/04 | 08/04 | 07/04
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Uselessness